Yep this is a long one. I am going to touch on a couple of important topics today. When casting spells there are several things to consider such as ethics, timing/cycles, and reasons. Just because you can cast, doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Are you willing to accept the repercussions or backlash of your working? Are you willing to do the mundane work as well? For example; doing a protection spell against a stalker but not setting clear boundaries or getting a restraining order would be an example of not doing the mundane work as well. Or for another example, doing an anti-theft spell but leaving your doors unlocked. You have to be willing to do the magical AND the mundane work so to speak, they go hand in hand.
A friend of mine asked me if there is a spell to make her stop caring about her soon to be ex-husband. While there are certainly spells out there to do such a thing; my experience has taught me that the first thing you do before casting is work it backwards; pretty much without exception (hey I said pretty much. There are certainly situations where it is a no brainer.)
So, you ask the question, why do you want to stop caring about your ex?
Answer: it hurts and I am crying all the time, it clouds judgement, it makes me angry. Whatever the answer may be.
So then you ask – why does it hurt? Why am I crying all the time? Why does it cloud judgement? Why does it make me angry?
Answer – I still love him and I miss him and am lonely, I am depressed, I am making decisions from the heart and not the head, it makes me angry because I feel betrayed, or whatever the reason may be and so on.
Why do I feel lonely? Why am I depressed? Why do I feel betrayed… you get the idea.
You do this to get to the real root of the issue. Is the issue really because you don’t want to care or is it because you are going through a grieving process that is hard, or because you need to be with someone to feel validated, or is there another root cause? You do this because your magic requires energy so why would you want your energy wasted on something that may well work, but still won’t give you the ultimate result you truly desire.
If you reach a point where you are answering “I feel more validated by a relationship” then I would say stop there. Casting a spell to stop caring about an ex is not going to change the root cause. Therapy would probably be more effective – it can help tremendously with grief and core beliefs. (I am a supporter of therapy – there are a lot of broken people in the paths we walk. As a side benefit of therapy your personal power will be greater if you know yourself better – Know Thy Self – ok enough said there.) On the flip side if you get to the root cause and its along the lines, I want to free my heart so I will be open to a new way of life and let go of the past to move forward; then I would say go ahead. This is a healthy step in life. (Therapy would still probably be a good step too – just sayin).
A Note on Marriage Vows: Marriage in particular involves some intense and powerful vows – and that is the point, they are supposed to be. Many people make those vows in sacred space be it church, hand-fasting – whatever; (I realize not all do but they are sacred vows just the same), and thus a magical act. You bind yourselves to each other. After that point you weave your lives, hearts, and minds together. Untangling your lives from each other is not going to happen overnight, nor is it going to be easy. There will be a grieving process, and trying to skip that process can drag it out more. Using magic should be done with care if at all in this process.
A Note on Love Spells: Love is very powerful and not something you can control well if at all. I have seen a two of people do love spells aimed at a specific person and it had disastrous results. To force the will of another is draining and can make people seem crazy. Velma Nightshade and Fire Lyte do a fantastic job addressing this topic in their podcast. You can find it at Inciting a BrewHaHa – Episode 9.
Should You Help Someone With Magic? At any rate I digress; should you decide to go forward with helping someone with magic; my advice is this – have them work it backwards and examine themselves first. This alone will be the most important step of the entire process. I would then point them in the right direction but I would not perform that casting myself for them. There will be those of you that disagree with my stance and that is fine but I will explain why I feel the way I do. There are situations such as healing and aiding that are warranted but in the example of my friend, I would not.
Casting requires a great deal of energy and focus. Casting in this instance would directly influence the will of at least one of these two people – and that alone is draining on your personal power. Also by casting makes you partially if not mostly responsible for the outcome. I do not want that responsibility. I would suggest to my friend (after she worked it backwards) that she carefully consider if this is what truly needs to happen, and if so to write her own working and perform it on and by herself. By doing this she charges it with her own power, with her own energy. Doing so prepares her mind and will to the task of letting go of the old, stagnant and unhealthy and being open to a new and healthy future; which ultimately is what my friend did want. Furthermore I would use the lunar cycle to assist. I would use a full lunar cycle, starting with a Full moon and ending with the next Full moon.
Lastly I would keep my mouth shut. When I cast I very rarely tell anyone. If I do, it’s already been completed and outcome rendered and then grounded out and much time has passed. This is the part of the Keep Silent in the Witches’ Pyramid. (For more information on the Witches’ Pyramid check out some of my older posts).
Letting go of the Old to Bring in the New – Cycles
Our lives are full of cycles. As women we tend to be well aware of cycles; but we do not have a monopoly on cycles. We have the ability to call upon these cycles for many purposes as magical beings. Our lives are within these cycles.
This is something that the Wheel of the Year teaches us. Change is inevitable and is a process. This is represented in the land and in deity. The land dies in winter, the Mother becomes Crone, the Son is born, The Crone becomes Maiden and the land is full of new growth, the Son is now Lover, the Maiden becomes Mother and summer is upon us and the land is fertile and then son becomes Warrior the harvest is brought in The King of Summer dies and then is reborn when winter is upon us again.
The lunar cycles teaches us as well. The Waning Gibbous is a great time to let go. The waning cycle of the Moon is the period from the Full Moon to the New Moon. This is the cycle to use for banishing and rejecting baneful aspects, such as disease and negativity, as well as dissolving destructive energies of all types. The Waxing Gibbous refers to the period of time from the New Moon to the Full Moon. The energy from this cycle should be used in “drawing” that which you want towards you. It’s a good time to begin new projects and expand any current efforts. It’s also a time to craft workings that concern, harmony, balance, and peace, as well as protection and healing.
The story of Cerridwen’s Caldron teaches us about death and rebirth as well as the process of change and letting go.
Currently we are in the Autumn Equinox Cycle moving to Samhain. This is a really good time to begin to let go of things in our lives, to bring closure, to disregard the dysfunctional things in our lives. Samhain is the Celtic New Year. Now is the perfect time to let go and start something new at Samhain.
If you have any thoughts on this I’d love to hear them.
It occurred to me today that owning chickens might be better than claiming ownership to my husband. Granted I am rather perturbed by him today and thus my view is likely biased because of that, but let’s just say for arguments sake, this theory might be possible.
